I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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