Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
