She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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