You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
