***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
