Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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