So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
