Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
