part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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