I CAN MOONWALK!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"