Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do vagina's smell?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.