I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
