she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night I used snow as a chaser