neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.