A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?