i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.