I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I met the friendliest cop last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.