I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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