Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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