I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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