And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
