Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
