she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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