Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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