thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
