went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
