he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
