u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
