I think I died a long time ago.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I touched a dick in church today
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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