Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
