I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bring money and cleavage
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
