I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
