Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I only lived at night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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