I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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