i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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