I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
