I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
