weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
