Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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