I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
