so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
