Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
