I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
BRING THE BAGELS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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