My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
