His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
