the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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