my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
