they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
