Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
