And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
