You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
