every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
