Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
