Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
