Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
