super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
