I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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