soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
