you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
