I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
