If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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