im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
