a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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