that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
