She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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