chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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