We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
