I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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