Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
