Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
