We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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