My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize