Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As shirtless as possible
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
