It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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