Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize