So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
